Baptism? Nah. Naming Day? Nope. Here is the PERFECT substitute...

Welcoming your baby to the world is a big deal. A really, REALLY big deal. And it deserves to be celebrated, right?

 But what do you do if you're not religious, yet find sincere importance in ceremony, celebration and symbolic recognition? And how do you put together a ceremony that perfectly reflects you and your family's sacred ideals? The options appear to be limited.

Too often in our modern culture we bi-pass the ceremony that our ancestors so treasured. Developmental milestones go by in secret, we hide our birthdays, we don't 'officially' get married, we don't allow for periods of mourning after a death. And the special days we DO celebrate tend to be steeped in Religious tradition.

So, just how do we create ceremony for the birth of our baby that feels 'right'? Well, let me introduce you to the idea of the reflection promises.

When our daughter Maple was born we knew we wanted a special moment of recognition in which we could honour her in the presence of our loved ones. The thought of a Christening just didn't seem right, and the Naming Day option - well, hadn't she already been named?

So we did nothing. Well, that's not quite true. We reflected. And nearing Maple's first birthday we were able to put together a set of reflection promises based on us, on her, on our relationship and who we were, and wanted to be, as parents to her.

This set of promises meant a lot more to us than a set of vows that we wouldn't even have been able to offer ourselves, but simply respond to with an authoritative 'I will'.

Our reflection promises offered Maple a verbal contract of unconditional love. They were read to her on her first birthday in the presence of our family and friends, based on our reflection of her first year. And here they are:


Maple, now that we've had one year together as Mother, Father and Daughter we're starting to learn about the kind of parents we wish to be. We will try our best and turn to this letter when we need reminding.

We promise to love you unconditionally and without judgement. 

We promise not to treat you as a possession, to always remember that you have come through us and not from us. You chose us to guide you, not keep you. 

People talk of being a parent first and a friend second but that is not our style and we hope you will let us be your friends.

We want to learn as much as we can from you, to embrace our differences and understand that you have your unique style. 

We will try only to pass to you our pearls of wisdom and never our fears. 

We promise not to try and change you and will do our best to let you make your own mistakes. We promise not to decide for you which path you will take, but only help you to discover your own path for yourself.

Maple, named after the strong and beautiful tree, we promise to help you learn the simple and sustainable life, to walk softly on your path with respect for the environment.

It's very easy to promise that our relationship with each other will only ever teach you of true love in the hope this will help you learn of, and yearn for, soul mates.

We hope we always have the courage to parent from the heart and not from the textbook or the advice of others.

We promise to nurture our spiritual selves as best we can, and continue reflecting on these promises we've made to you today, so that we maintain a strong intention in our minds to follow through with them. 

Love, Mum and Dad xx

33 reasons why Making Mouth Noises is NOT just for kids...

Making mouth noises is NOT just for kids - easier and less embarrassing, yes - but just as therapeutic for grownups! Mouth noise games are absolute crackers! I played them on the weekend with kids at Camp Quality, I played them last year with carers at a palliatve care conference and I've played them with adults in clinical health settings. Here are a few reasons why...

Making mouth noises:
* Is an EXCELLENT self care technique

* Is something almost anyone can do - even those who don't speak.

* Is an outlet for verbal self expression

* Is a physical workout for the entire body

* Helps create confidence and break down self-consciousness

* Excellent for developing team-building dynamics

* Can be done in groups OR individually

* Puts participants out of their comfort zones

* Is an engaging and novel activity

* Almost certainly creates genuine laughter

* Can create genuine tears

* Provides clients with a tool they can use in the future

* Has the power to either stimulate or relax

* Validates emotions

* Requires no equipment, set-up or particular setting

* Communicating in 'no-language' has less expressive limitations than language.

* Can assist in clarifying emotions

* Has the potential to develop fine and gross motor coordination

* In a group setting creates a sense of equality and acceptance

* Is a great vocal warm up

* Brings out your inner child

* Can help develop the spiritual sense of community

* Is excellent for communicating to babies with

* Mimicking other's sounds makes them feel listened to.

* Helps clients learn more about their verbal abilities

* Is an activity everyone can succeed in

* Can be done in private (the shower, car, home alone etc.) 

* Requires no facilitation

* Allows you to let go

* Engages clients congitively and creatively 

* Helps express individuality

* Is appropriate for any age, culture, language, background, developmental ability...

* Is so much fun!

Not convinced? Have a go at a mouth noise game and see how you feel...

CIRCLE GAMES
* One person choose an animal noise for the whole group to make together. The next person choose a different animal noise for the group to make together. Then the next person another etc. (actions more than welcome)
* Copy the above exercise but substitute animals with laughs (ie. The evil laugh, the santa clause, the witch, the giggling girt, the snort, the knee slapper, the gasp for breath, the hyena etc...
* Copy the above exercise but substitute laughs with human noises (ie. The burp, the sneeze, the whistle, the cough, the cry, the sigh, the tongue click, the teeth chatter, the squeal, the raspberry, the snore etc...)
* Copy the above exercise but substitute laughs with cries (ie. The sob, the weep, the hysterical, the sniffle, the wail etc...)

VOLUME GAMES
* Looking at the ground make the softest noise you can - any noise - it doesn't have to be the same as the rest of the group. Collectively make your noises louder and louder and bring your heads up until you're shouting your loudest possible noises at the sky.
* Look at the sky and shout your loudest, best feeling. (ie. I FEEL AMAZING!! I FEEL ALIVE!!! I FEEL BEAUTIFUL!!! I FEEL HAPPY!!!)
* Have a conversation completely in whispers.

FACIAL GAMES
* Have a conversation completely in silly noises (with eyebrows).
* Make funny mouth noises and create funny faces to match them.
* Making eye contact play the ultimate 'sibling game' of copying. (Oh the memories; "Stop copying me!" "Stop copying me!")

RELEASE YOUR INNER FEELINGS 'GAMES'
* Scream.
* Sigh.
* Moan.
* Sob.
* Keen.
* Pant.
Do these whenever you need and however you like.

Enjoy!!!

One simple tool that EVERY NEW MUM should bookmark...

As my contribution to MENTAL HEALTH WEEK I thought I'd share this with you.

I was struggling somewhat a couple of weeks ago so I did the Edinburgh Postnatal Depression Scale and got a score of 12 - quite a high score and not where I wanted to stay. Nonetheless getting this score was completely validating and allowed me to accept where I was at. I realised I needed to up my routine self care practices, work out a more 'me-based' daily structure and get my little support network to check in on me.

See what I just did there? With one honest and unashamed paragraph I helped validate and normalise the roller-coaster of being a Mum! And in a tiny but significant way helped break down the secrecy and stigma of discussing mental health.

If you resonate with this give the EPDS a go and see if it helps!


IN ADDITION...
* The Edinburgh Postnatal Depression Scale has it's faults and shouldn't be used for any kind of self-diagnosis. In saying that it's a great tool to bookmark and doing it every couple of weeks can help you keep in touch with where you're at.

*Though this is a scale you complete with nurses both at the hospital and at your child health checkups you may score more honestly when doing it by yourself. (Us women have a tendency of scoring lower in front of the nurses as we want to appear as completely-in-control super mums!)

* This is a FABULOUS music therapy based website that focuses specifically on postnatal depression.

* If you'd like some more detailed info on the EPDS I quite enjoyed this jovial explanation and you can also be linked to further resources from here.

* This is a facebook community especially for women battling with the blues.

* You can go to your Child Health Nurse as often as you like (for free) and get them to help you with this and/or discuss it's implications with you.

* I just did it again and scored 4 :) Happy days!

A Chit and a Chat with David and Gillian Helfgott.

Recently I had the absolute pleasure of meeting and talking with one of the most inspired and 'meant to be together' couples I've ever met - David and Gillian Helfgott!

I won't go into David's background or the impact he's had on the international music scene, though if you have been hiding under that rock you can find him here.


Needless to say our conversation leapt from topic to thought to advice to idea and then on to another subject!

Quiet Time
Music makes you happy don't you think, music makes you happy? Music's one of the most wonderful things in the world, isn't it? Everyone says so. 

It is darling.

Is it the most wonderful? Or is it one of the most? Well, very important, very important. 'Cause Music is, music is, 'cause, well you've got to have music, that's what Dad, wasn't that what Dad had to have music going in the house?

What does music mean to you David? 

Everything music means just about everything doesnt' it? It does to you. Everything music means to me
And do you think people should listen to music more often? 
Course they should! Isn't that what, isn't that the langauge, music the language that everone understands? One of the most, it's the language that everyone understands music's the same, isn't it, for everyone? Girls just want to have fun and don't ignore it all, dont ignore it all and play the game.
Sometimes do you need quiet time away from music? Do you need a balance between music and no music?
Um, um, um yeah I do a balance, bay lines, that's what someone said, bay lines, fay lines, find a level...
Maybe that's why you like swimming? So you can have a balance?

Oh but he has the radio going beside the pool.

On a concert day i have the radio going beside the pool, radio, radio, classical... 
So do you have ANY quiet time?
Um... Well, well when I'm sleeping, when I'm sleeping, sleeping, even when I'm sleeping. 
Oh come on David you want the radio on all night! Classic FM...

Yes I do, I do, it's soothing isn't it, soothing isn't it darling? It's calming, nice to have music, nice to have music...

I Always get a Good Audience

Do you always plan what you're going to play ahead of time, or do you sometimes just come out and play whatever you feel like?

Oh I do what I'm told, I do what I'm told, don't I? 

David! We plan the program together! 

Well it's structured for me, structured for me. It's all planned, its all planned, it's all in the plan. Trust, trust, be different, must be a bit different, everything has a consequence. Emotions, emotions, in the moment in the moment in the moment, very imortant to be aware, very important to stay focused.

We plan well in advance. I mean he knows what he'll be playing in Denmark next May!

Course we do! So that I'm structured, so that i enjoy, that I enjoy, that I'll enjoy you know, you know validation, validation...

Yes validation! When you came out last night and played 'Flight of the Bumble Bee' at the end it validated how excited everyone was - because it's so exciting!

Yes, 'Flight of the bumble Bee' validates people's excitement - and then they're all up and shouting and they feel liberated, like bees buzzing around, and feel then they've got permission to cheer! 

Yeah that's right more liberated, more liberated. The people feel liberated by going and seeing it. I always get a good audience yes, yes that's right!
I believe David's playing blesses all - he makes a living but they get the bonus of the joy and liberation. 

No Snake Would Ever Bite Me

He just has the most amazing communication with nature and animals. A very quick story - he was swimming a couple of months ago and when he came in he said "Darling I've had an amazing experience", he said "I was swimming and this snake came and gave me a cuddle!" And I said "Oh yes what did it do"? And he said, "Oh it wound itself around me", 'cause it was a python, and I said "what'd you do then"? "Well i was a bit concerned it might drown so I just carefully lifted him out and put it on the side". And then he looked at me and said "of course you know, don't you darling, that no snake would ever bite me"! Now that's his whole spiritual awareness! 

Increasing spirituality that's right, increasing spirituality.You have to believe in belief, belief, belief, yes I think so too, spiritual.

And he talks to the horses next door and I love sitting in the bath out on the balcony and David down there chatting with the horses. David! Don't drink that coke pet!

The Luxury of Sadness

I started thinking about music and happiness, about how it's been 'overdone'. You can't always be happy and you shouldn't always be happy! So then I thought it would be better to write about music and validation.

Validation! That's a good word, validation, validation, valid, valid, yes ...

So it's OK not to always be happy...
Oh it's ok yes, yes...
And sometimes it's OK to be scared, nervous, confused...
It's ok not to always be happy - Oh it's ok yeah!

Can I just give you a quote from Tom Baker, the great Jazz trumpeter? I remember sitting chatting to him one day and he said "You know Gillian, we should all allow ourselves the luxury of sadness, because unless you have those moments of sadness how can there be any contrast?" 
It's like if you lived in the sun every day of your life, you'd be longing for cloud! And there's nothing wrong with sadness! Self pity and victim stuff - that's a different area altogether, and we're too much into that in our society at the moment.

But sadness, would we have any of Tchaikovsky's music without sadness? Oh, his Pathetique Symphony! Goodness! Well, I mean the Russians are full of melancholy, Bless them, but they allow themselves to be, and they've been one of the great producers of dance, literature, music. and if you took that away...

I'm a triple Saggitarian and i'm very optimistic about everything - well, except some politicians, but it's the balance in life,  and what would you ever learn if you never had some sadness! 

What's That Got To Do With The Price Of Tea?
A lot of times emotional and non-tangible outcomes can't really be measured the way "they" want them to be, so they don't always get the credibility they deserve. See this is where happiness is always eluded - how do you define happiness on a graph? Oh, well the child says it feels better, but how do we know that it's really true? I mean WE can see that it is but...
But the scientific bodies and the people who want the empirical evidence...
Don't talk to me about scientific bodies - did you know that they just found out that cholesterol is actually good for the heart! 
And you know what that mayer said? He wanted for, for my immediate needs as well, for to raise the funds for, the money for... Well anyway so that, anyway, there's a history in the future.
So what's that got to do with anything?
What's that got to do with the price of tea? Yes, would you like a cup of tea darling? Can I put some water in the kettle darling?
David, you're not having any more caffeine this morning, now just stop it. And enough kisses, come on!
Oh well, well its all because of me and if it wasn't for you none of this would be, would be possible would it darling, without my darling wife!
Ha, that's why I wanted to talk with both of you, wives are very important!
Yes! Hahaha.
Yes, it's all planned. 

Living in The NOW

You've gotta live in the NOW, and David will tell you this, gotta live in the NOW. 'Cause if you're not living in the NOW you're not gaining the most out of the experience that's around you. 
I'm so lucky, so lucky just to be here, just to hear your voice, aren't we lucky in the NOW? We're so lucky. Right in the moment and right now and stay focused, stay focused and think of the happy times. And think of something different and remember something, try and focus and concentrate, try and focus and concentrate...
And as Jung said NOW spelt backwards is WON - so you've already won because you've made the most of the NOW!

Where are we staying in Launceston? Oh, the Lord Chancellor.

Oh the Lord Chancellor, the Lord Chancellor...

And the other thing that i have found - one of the most important things in life - even out of what seems awful challenges, there's always a jewel there, something you can gain. And when you look to see, Why is this here? What lesson can I learn? Then you can go forwards. 

I've found that inevitably in life, whatever challenge comes there's always something that, if you're prepared to have an open mind, there'll be something presented to you! 

Just a little practical example - David's not very good with water - he splashes it everywhere and recently he flooded the bath upstairs and it all came through the air conditioning and over the dining room suite. And the beautiful Turkish Rug was flooded, and you know those dyes aren't - cause they're all hand done - they're not permanent. Well he went to sleep in the bath with the hot water tap on. And then the builder came and said "Gillian, why don't you put the bath out on the verandah? And then if he floods it'll go out on the garden."

Well! We've got this glorious claw footed bath, and our garden has the most glorious views of the mountains and the garden and it's an absolute treasure! Now we wouldn't have that bath if David hadn't flooded!

Heartbreak Hotel

I wondered if there was any other side to your musical identity? If you like a bit of Rock 'n roll? Or...

Well... i suppose well, any music that's good quality if you know what I mean, any composer that's good. Well how about Heart Break Hotel? What about Heart Break hotel? Yes, everyone likes that one. 

And don't you like a couple of the Beatles things? Don't you like 'Yesterday'?

And yes the Beatles they were the best composers in England weren't they? 

But how about your favourite American popular composer? 

Yes, yes... Gershwin! Oh yes, yes Gershwin yes. OK seriously, seriously, can I get back to my movie now? 

A Hundred Thousand Times a Day

The maid just gave me some milk if you'd like a cup of tea now?
Oh well would you like a cup of tea?
No thanks, It makes me feel a bit funny when I'm pregnant...
Oh how wonderful, wonderful, how wonderful, is that why you're eating for two? Eating for you?
Yes, yes I'm eating for two!
David perhaps come and just answer a few questions??
Oh no, no no I'm fine, I'm fine, are you monitoring everything, monitoring it all?
But darling you're the musician! You're the musician, I'm just the administrator!
Oh no, no I'm just enjoying my movie so much,
Oh you are just so self centred! 
I'm very selfish, very selfish but you're my darling wife, you're my darling wife. Gillian tells me she loves me every a hundred thousand times a day, isn't that nice? isn't that nice? Validation it's a good word.
Well I don't quite love you at this minute - I think you're being a bit piggy! 
Well as long as you do, I know, it's a bit greedy a bit greedy, it's not fair, is it!

The Mouse and the Lion
When I watch you perform, it's like it's an absolute truth of who you are, a real expression of you, is that right or am I just assuming that?
David what's your favourite saying about the mouse and the lion?
I feel like a mouse and Rachmaninov needs a lion? 
No, no about you David! 
No, what do I say about the mouse and the lion? Away from the piano I'm a mouse and as soon as I sit down at the keys I'm a leaping lion. When you touch the keys, yes yes that's right, a change, a change is good. So a rather rambling and shambling person becomes more. 
David where do you feel most fulfilled as a person?
What? What, I'm trying to think. Well playing the piano of course, playing well, when you're playing well then you feel fulfilled as a person. I'm lucky I'm lucky in that way, I'm lucky that i can play.

The Tax payers dollars

It's quite intimate sharing your musical identity with people - because it's such an important part of who you are - do you ever feel like you just want to keep it just to yourself? 

Oh you have to share it, you have to share, you've got to, isn't that a bit selfish? To keep it to yourself? You shouldn't be selfish should you? Should you be selfish? 'Cause you have to look after yourself in all of this, you do sometimes.

David you love to share your music more than anything don't you? 

Course I do, course I do, 'cause you gotta sort of protect, you've got to like sweety pie. Yeah, and isn't that what Amazing Grace said too? Yeah, yeah you can't be selfish you've got to share it with the world, share it with the world.

And the other lovely thing about him, he'd have no idea whether he's being paid or not, it doesn't even come into it.

Oh yeah Money money money, but well there was that one time.Well the tax payers don't earn much money...

The tax payers don't give you a bloody dollar David!

I know, I know, I know the tax payers, I just whispered, i was hoping hoping you wouldn't hear...

Well I'm so proud of the fact, David, that..

Well but there was, there was, there was a long time ago...

Oh when you were 16 you got a couple of thousand dollars for goodness sake.

And they gave me 25 pounds in London, that's a lot of money, at that time that's a lot of money.

But David since you've made your comeback the government hasn't given you 1 cent!

Well anyway, but the people, the people the audience, don't they spend money on all the videos? And all the...

Yeah but they're getting something back for it! Come on, you can't go into a bookshop and take a book without paying for it!

Oh I have to pay for it pay for it pay for it..

Yeah but that's not tax payers money darling! No you should be very proud...

Proud, you should you should take some pride.

That you've been self sufficient - and I'm very proud of you for that David!

Darling?

Well you've seen him socially, i don't need to say anything about that - he knows how to work a room better than anyone i've ever seen!
Yeah well you've got to be a bit social occassionaly. Just be a bit social, just occassionaly, be resonable, cause after all we are social and spiritual, spiritual, spiritual...

At times I think "Oh is he annoying that person?" But last night after the show I thought "Just let him go, he can talk to whoever he likes!" And he was just Mr Charming to everybody. He met them all and hugged them all... 

And I'm sure some of those people normally have very closed boundaries and probably don't like touching and hugging, especially strangers! But for some reason it's ok with David.

No they don't! Last night I couldn't see anyone reacting stand offish - but we are in the country. In London it's not the best, that's where we've had the most problems, they're frightened a lot of them. You know? I mean here he can hug everybody and they hug him back and think he's great. And anyone with a disability, like that lady last night in the wheel chair, well he loves...

Oh darling, could you get me? Oh yes that lady in the wheelchair! Oh yes I gave her lots of cuddles, lots of cuddles. Darling, darling could you get me a different shirt at some point? This ones a bit, you know what I mean? 

It's a bit what?

Yes it's a nice colour, it's just that it's a bit, it's just a bit rough on my skin. I'd like to do something a bit different.

Gosh it's like suede David! 

I know it's suede but it's a bit...

Alright, when we get home, but I haven't got any more with me! 

Oh ok... 

We'll be home Sunday. 

Oh ok well we can't...

You can't change it today.

Oh we can't change it today?

No, absolutely not! 

No Silly Nonsense

David what do you think about living in the NOW? 

NOW! That's what i say! To be in the moment, everything in the moment, in the moment, just be in the moment.

An expression of truth in the moment. That's how I feel your performance is, but I didn't want to assume I wanted to ask you, because some people just put on a show!  

Yes, yes. Liszt was like that he always had to show off, he always had to have the audience applaud and to put on a show.

But I think the people love seeing you just as you are. 

It's his honesty. And there's no silly nonsense of walking off after each piece and coming back on all  dressed up in tails and looking so formal and very black at the piano. He's non threatening.

Yes, watching David gives people a sense of "it's ok to be themselves", and that's why people love to see him. It's not just the music itself but everything that his performance represents.

Yes, also as a person David has an amazing effect on people. We were standing at the airport once, waiting in a cue and he was with talking to a girl...

Would you like some coke? it says uplifting, uplifting, uplifting...

And I could see that she was absorbed with what he was saying and when we got off the plane

she handed me a note  - she was obsessive compulsive and all her life she'd been told she couldn't do this and shouldn't do that and had all these restrictions. And she'd written that 'Just talking to david for those few minutes gave me the knowledge that i CAN be me'. 

The Emperor of Japan's Brother

His psychological influence - well he just understands people - like the lady at the airport. Another quick reference, he was playing at the Lincoln centre in New York and during the performance a woman got backstage, a beautiful young Indian woman, and she said "I want to kill myself". Anyway she told me she was studying music at The Juilliard and she was missing her Indian teacher and her family, she said "I've only got 2 or 3 months to go and I've got my degree. But I can't stand it any longer". I said why don't you come around to the hotel in the morning and have a chat with David and myself, and she did, she came the next morning. And I hadn't said anything to David about it, or about her mental state or anything.  Well she walked in and he looked at her, went over to her and put his arms around her and said "Oh you think you're walking on a tightrope and your'e going to fall off, don't you! But you're not! You're fine!" And she finished her degree and went back to India. 

But HOW did he know!? Because David is disinhibited, and very few people are disinhibited. I mean, he's incredibly intelligent, but he's not blocking the communication with intellectual assessments. So this is why the spirit, the soul, just flows through David and why he can relate to people. 

I mean he's kissed the emperor of Japan's brother! Now, no one even touches the Emperor's brother let alone kisses him! There's just no barrier for David - everybody's equal.

I've Just Had a Swim
Of course it requires a lot of energy to perform as he does, but then when we're home he swims for about 4 hours a day. And he finds that swimming is the best release. And also that you have to stay fit physically, you can't give of your most to life if you aren't phycially fit. And it allows the energies to all flow.
The pool is a very rhythmic place so there are a lot of similarities there.
Yes, and oh I'll tell you anther story - we were in Adelaide and I took him to a public pool and I said well why don't you play the Liszt B Sonata while you're swimming?, 'cause he'd say to me "Oh I've just had a swim and I played the Campanella", or something like that. Anyway off he went, and the Sonata's nearly half an hour long,  and when he finished I said "Well how did you play that"? And he said "Oh I have played it better"! So, I mean you can't help but love him when he come's out with things like that! You see he's able to live in that musical world while he's swimming - playing Liszt B minor sonta - one of the hardest pieces ever written!

Rambling Shambling
You see, when I'm playing the piano I'm talking to you, when i play the piano i'm talking to you in my notes, it's sort of like speech isnt' it? Well music's like talking isn't it? talking to you?
And one of the great things about your performance is that, because you talk along with it, it's a verbal AND and non-verbal expression!
Talk along with it, yes! Yes, well you can't have any more, because you can't have more, if anything you only get less! Well lesser of course, lesser of course...
What on earth is that little... 
Homily? 
Yes, homily, about sweet? What do you mean you can't have any more...
Well it's very important to be aware, to be aware.Well you can have more of some things can't you? you can have more of some things?
Yes, but I lost the train of thought pet. 
Train of thought, yes, train of thought...
What do you mean? You can't have more of what?
More of what, i'm trying to think... Um...
I think you're rambling.
I'm just rambling shambling rambling...
But we get such lovely things out of  your rambles! 



Thankyou so very much to David for your Energy and Charisma and to Gillian for your Wisdom and Fabulousness! I think I could have chitted and chatted to you all day... 

Dying to Know: Lets talk about death...

August 8th is Dying to Know Day. A remarkable project initiated by The Groundswell Project. 

Remarkable in that it aims to encourage us to DISCUSS DEATH! Something we almost ALWAYS shy away from, (not to mention squirm in our seats, change the subject, try and ignore, blush, stutter, look at the ground, talk too much or too fast, oh and did I mention change the subject?)!

9 out of 10 people never tell anyone their end of life wishes.
45% of people die without a will.
80% of people wish to die at home yet only 20% do.

Perhaps if we could discuss death more openly these figures would balance out a bit? Perhaps we'd also feel more confident in supporting others? Perhaps we may even fear death less?!

Who knows - lets try it!

HOMEWORK: Below are a few common and confusing scenarios/discussion points.Your homework this week is to bring up one of these topics at the dinner table, have an interactive chat, see where you end up...

.... Deep breath, HERE WE GO...

'Ignoring' the bereaved

* Don't want to say the wrong thing? 

* Don't want to cry, don't want to 'not' cry, don't know what to do? 

* Don't know the family well enough to contact them?

* Didn't know the deceased well enough to contact the family?

* Left it too long and now don't know how to bring it up?

* Feeling guilty about any/all of the above yet I'm doing them anyway?

I don't think I'm meant to feel this sad!

* I didn't really know them, I shouldn't really be feeling like this!

* They lived a good life, died peacefully, an end to their suffering, aren't I meant to be happy for them!?

* Billy had a stronger relationship with the deceased, I should appear to be less affected than Billy...

* It's been a long time since Katie died, I must appear to seem more 'together' to the general public...

I think I'm meant to feel MORE sad!

* I'm not responding the same way the others are. Am I heartless? Insensitive? Should I try harder?

* Its on the news, it's a disaster, in theory I'm devastated, in reality I actually don't FEEL anything.

* Actually I didn't really like them, am I meant to pretend now that I did??

Being strong for someone else.

* Can I do it and still properly address my own emotional needs?

* Will I miss out on getting to grieve with everyone else and have to do it later by myself?

* Is it actually what the 'someone else' wants?

Funeral Etiquette

* Look at the roof, look at the roof, don't cry, don't cry...

* I'll just stand at the back so I don't have to see the coffin or the family...

* I won't go over to the bereaved family, they'll have so many people wanting to talk to them...

* Is what I'm wearing OK? Is it too black? Is it not black enough??

Asking for Support

* I don't want to tell anyone about this, it's too depressing and I'm always the cheerful one...

* I can't ask for their support, it'll make them feel awkward...

* No one can say or do anything to make it better anyway so why bother...

Now, I know what's potentially going to happen here! You've just read this and identified with a few of the  points, think it's a great idea and something that really should be talked about. "I'm going to do this tonight" you're thinking... But tonight comes and the subject matter seems too intense and you decide to give it a miss...

STOP! DON'T DO THAT! HAVE THE TALK!!!

You may just be surprised how refreshing such a conversation can be.

And you never know, someone at your table may just be dying to have this conversation...

(Visit D2K Day on facebook here and find a Dying to Know Day event near you)

The Essential 'How To' Guide for an EASIER childbirth!!!!!!!

DISCLAIMER - This post contains adorable pics of my first baby, for no real reason except that I'm feeling clucky :)

Well my baby is due next week!!!!  So what better topic to write on than breath and breathing - and the HUGE role it can play in pregnancy, childbirth and life as a parent if you learn about it and use it right!

I wrote the below article on this very topic for Nuture - Natural Parenting Magazine for their last year's Winter edition and have been re-reading it and, with my husband/boyfriend (I don't have one of each - he's the one person but husband sounds better), practicing our breathing for the big event.

Breathing is something we don't usually think about - we just do it automatically - but if you learn how to do it better you will be amazed at the difference it can make to your health and well-being!!! Check it out....

Breathing In New Life

We all know how important it is to allow ourselves to ‘just breathe’ - be still, have some ‘you’ time – especially when we are pregnant. It is drummed into us by friends, family, doctors of all modalities, therapists, counsellors and well-meaning strangers. But sometimes it seems nearly impossible, especially as a parent, to successfully achieve this monumental task!

Firstly, about 75% of women experience breathlessness during pregnancy. Increased levels of the pregnancy hormone progesterone change the way your body absorbs oxygen which results in much deeper breaths, though at the same respiratory rate as before. This, in conjunction with the weight of a growing baby pushing into your diaphragm, can make the task seem quite overwhelming. 

Gentle aerobic exercise such as swimming, yoga and walking can assist your breathing during pregnancy. If you feel dizzy, lightheaded or uncomfortable while practicing your breathing exercises either lessen the extent of your inhalations or take a rest and come back to it later. Make sure you discuss any respiratory conditions such as asthma or any concerns you may have about your breathing with your doctor.

BREATHING DURING AND AFTER PREGNANCY

The benefits of deep abdominal, or belly, breathing are numerous. Deep belly breathing allows more air into the lungs, which allows for more oxygen to be supplied to both you AND your baby. This enriches every single cell in your bodies – your vital organs, muscles, brain function, hair, skin and nails will all benefit. In addition more oxygen to your body will help you to relax, focus and sleep better.

In our normal, everyday breathing we generally find ourselves breathing shallow breaths into our chests and we can actually see our chests and shoulders rising and falling as we inhale and exhale. This type of breathing does not allow for the potential of oxygen we could be bringing into our bodies and will not help prepare us for breathing during labour.

When practicing proper belly breathing, imagine an empty jug being filled with water – the water fills the jug from the bottom up, filling every little nook and cranny before the water level rises. Our lungs work in exactly the same way. Put your hands on your belly, hips and lower back; imagine the air going firstly to the base of your core and feel your body move outwards as the diaphragm allows your lungs to expand, allowing more and more oxygen into your body.

Counting your inhalations and exhalations will help with keeping belly breaths controlled. Slowly count as you breathe in 1...2...3…4, then hold and exhale 1...2...3...4. As you hold you are allowing more time for the oxygen to be absorbed in the lungs and as you exhale you are eliminating carbon dioxide waste from your body. It does not matter what number you count up to though it pays to spend a little longer on the out breath than the in breath if possible. It is important to remember that you can not truly inhale unless you truly and fully exhale.

The further into your pregnancy you are the harder belly breathing will become, so if possible start practicing in the first trimester – starting with 10 deep breaths both morning and night. It may take a bit of practice to master but you will feel energised, refreshed and relaxed once you get the hang of it. Practicing with your birthing partner is recommended if you intend to co-breath during labour.

BREATHING AFFIRMATIONS DURING PREGNANCY

Using breath as a source of affirmation during pregnancy is adapted from the Buddhist art of practicing breath to become fully aware.

Writing affirmations can be personal and you may choose to do this alone. After some quiet reflection write down a list of words you believe will help you during your pregnancy and childbirth journeys, for example: strong, calm, alive, open. Now adapt these to fit with your belly breaths, for example: ‘Breathing in I am strong, breathing out I am strong’; ‘Breathing in I am calm, breathing out I am calm’; ‘Breathing in I am alive, breathing out I am alive’; and so on. Write your breathing affirmations down, illustrate them, make them pretty and then stick them on your walls, next to your bed, above the kitchen bench – anywhere you may be inclined to practice.

Make sure, as you practice, that you BELIEVE what you are reading. 

Take them to the hospital with you, allow your partner to read them to you or with you as you breath, believe in the words as you breath, look at the words as you breathe – however you choose to use your affirmation cards they will become invaluable tools for you during the childbirth journey.

It’s important to ensure your affirmations only contain positive words. Stay away from phrases such as ‘Breathing in I feel no pain’ and replace them with ‘Breathing in I feel my baby’ or ‘Breathing in I gain strength’.

BREATHING DURING THE 1ST STAGE OF LABOUR

Controlled belly breathing during the first stage of labour maximises oxygen levels for you and your baby and is a fabulous, natural method of pain relief. Take a deep breath, filling the base of your lungs with air first, at the beginning of each contraction and slowly exhale keeping your mouth, cheeks and jaw soft as you do so. Focus solely on your deep belly breaths and affirmations during each contraction and relax in between them. Using sound and movement in conjunction with your breath during contractions can really help – never mind how it may appear to those around you, birthing staff have seen and heard it all before!

Try not to allow fear or panic into your mind. When you are tense or frightened your body releases adrenalin, your breathing will become shallow and rapid, and your shoulders and chest will again begin to rise as you breathe. Panic-breathing is a common reaction to very stressful or frightening situations, especially during strong contractions, and though this is normal your body cannot continue in this state for long before becoming fatigued. Recognising panic-breathing and bringing it back to controlled belly breaths will help your body conserve energy.

Birthing partners have a very important task during this stage. They can make eye contact and breathe in time with you, give you water in between contractions to stop your mouth drying out, remind you to keep your jaw, mouth and shoulders relaxed, help you count your in and out breaths to maintain the control and most importantly – remind you to breathe!

BREATHING DURING THE 2ND STAGE OF LABOUR

When it comes time to push your breathing patterns will once again change. You will need to refocus your breath and mind and now use them to assist you push down through your body. Try not to hold your breath during this stage, but also avoid airy, controlled exhales as they will not help you either. Take a deep in breath before each push and use your breath instinctively, with guidance from your doctor, midwife or doula.

Having mastered the skill of breathing, you have on your hands an invaluable life tool. Once the journey of pregnancy and childbirth has passed and you embark on the amazing path of parenthood you will undoubtedly at times hear that little voice again - ‘just breathe’, be still, have some ‘you’ time.

http://www.nurtureparentingmagazine.com.au/

References

Jana A. Czipin, Practice Manual Pranayama: Breathing exercises for Yogis, free divers and pregnant women (Kindle Ed), Books On Demand, 2012

Thich Nhat Hanh, Breathe! You are Alive: Sutra on the Full Awareness of Breathing, Parallax Press Revised Ed, 1996

Uma Dinsmore-Tuli, Mother’s Breath: A definitive Guide to Yoga Breathing, Sound and Awareness Practices During Pregnancy, Birth, Post-natal Recovery and Mothering, Sitaram and Sons, 2006

Andrew Weil, Breathing: The Master Key to Self Healing (The Self Healing Series) (Audio CD), Sounds True, Incorporated, 1999

Recommended Reading

Mother’s Breath: A definitive Guide to Yoga Breathing, Sound and Awareness Practices During Pregnancy, Birth, Post-natal Recovery and Mothering by Uma Dinsmore-Tuli

Looking for advice on MELODIC INTONATION THERAPY...

Ok, so this one's just for the music therapists out there, and more specifically for those of you who have experience in using Melodic Intonation Therapy or Modified Melodic Intonation therapy.

I'd like some ideas on how to 'mix-up' the sessions a bit in order to keep the momentum going.

I'm currently running a MMIT program. We work on our musical phrases every session and my client works on them in his spare time but I'd like to also incorporate some complimentary interventions to make the process more enjoyable (whilst continuing to help the neurological regeneration). Our rehab journey is proving to be long and I don't want him to give up.

Obviously not all interventions you have used will suit his needs but please throw me some ideas and hopefully I'll be able to adapt some of them to make our sessions more motivational - thanks in advance!

PLEASE COMMENT BELOW :)

Music Therapy at Camp Quality

My Saturday this weekend was an absolute cracker - running music therapy groups at Camp Quality!

It was SO much fun. We rapped, we stomped, we clapped, we drummed, we danced, we strummed - we even prepared to deliver my baby on site!

Camp Quality is a family cancer charity that brings optimism, resilience and happiness to the lives of families and children affected by cancer.

They provide programs that focus on education, performance, recreation, respite and play throughout primary schools, paediatric oncology wards, recreation venues and homes across Australia.



THE BEST BIT OF ALL??  (Apart from the fact that everything is completely free!)

Camp Quality believes LAUGHTER is the best medicine! (And for anyone reading this you will know who closely this resembles my own ethos on life!) I had an absolute ball!

It's a humbling and special experience to surround yourself with children who suffer such heartbreaking difficulties - and to watch them play, laugh and appear not to have a care in the world was an absolute joy!

So thank YOU Camp Quality for having me - lets do it again sometime!!

Visit http://www.campquality.org.au to find out more about Camp Quality or to throw a donation their way - it's well and truly worth it!!