Baptism? Nah. Naming Day? Nope. Here is the PERFECT substitute...

Welcoming your baby to the world is a big deal. A really, REALLY big deal. And it deserves to be celebrated, right?

 But what do you do if you're not religious, yet find sincere importance in ceremony, celebration and symbolic recognition? And how do you put together a ceremony that perfectly reflects you and your family's sacred ideals? The options appear to be limited.

Too often in our modern culture we bi-pass the ceremony that our ancestors so treasured. Developmental milestones go by in secret, we hide our birthdays, we don't 'officially' get married, we don't allow for periods of mourning after a death. And the special days we DO celebrate tend to be steeped in Religious tradition.

So, just how do we create ceremony for the birth of our baby that feels 'right'? Well, let me introduce you to the idea of the reflection promises.

When our daughter Maple was born we knew we wanted a special moment of recognition in which we could honour her in the presence of our loved ones. The thought of a Christening just didn't seem right, and the Naming Day option - well, hadn't she already been named?

So we did nothing. Well, that's not quite true. We reflected. And nearing Maple's first birthday we were able to put together a set of reflection promises based on us, on her, on our relationship and who we were, and wanted to be, as parents to her.

This set of promises meant a lot more to us than a set of vows that we wouldn't even have been able to offer ourselves, but simply respond to with an authoritative 'I will'.

Our reflection promises offered Maple a verbal contract of unconditional love. They were read to her on her first birthday in the presence of our family and friends, based on our reflection of her first year. And here they are:


Maple, now that we've had one year together as Mother, Father and Daughter we're starting to learn about the kind of parents we wish to be. We will try our best and turn to this letter when we need reminding.

We promise to love you unconditionally and without judgement. 

We promise not to treat you as a possession, to always remember that you have come through us and not from us. You chose us to guide you, not keep you. 

People talk of being a parent first and a friend second but that is not our style and we hope you will let us be your friends.

We want to learn as much as we can from you, to embrace our differences and understand that you have your unique style. 

We will try only to pass to you our pearls of wisdom and never our fears. 

We promise not to try and change you and will do our best to let you make your own mistakes. We promise not to decide for you which path you will take, but only help you to discover your own path for yourself.

Maple, named after the strong and beautiful tree, we promise to help you learn the simple and sustainable life, to walk softly on your path with respect for the environment.

It's very easy to promise that our relationship with each other will only ever teach you of true love in the hope this will help you learn of, and yearn for, soul mates.

We hope we always have the courage to parent from the heart and not from the textbook or the advice of others.

We promise to nurture our spiritual selves as best we can, and continue reflecting on these promises we've made to you today, so that we maintain a strong intention in our minds to follow through with them. 

Love, Mum and Dad xx

One simple tool that EVERY NEW MUM should bookmark...

As my contribution to MENTAL HEALTH WEEK I thought I'd share this with you.

I was struggling somewhat a couple of weeks ago so I did the Edinburgh Postnatal Depression Scale and got a score of 12 - quite a high score and not where I wanted to stay. Nonetheless getting this score was completely validating and allowed me to accept where I was at. I realised I needed to up my routine self care practices, work out a more 'me-based' daily structure and get my little support network to check in on me.

See what I just did there? With one honest and unashamed paragraph I helped validate and normalise the roller-coaster of being a Mum! And in a tiny but significant way helped break down the secrecy and stigma of discussing mental health.

If you resonate with this give the EPDS a go and see if it helps!


IN ADDITION...
* The Edinburgh Postnatal Depression Scale has it's faults and shouldn't be used for any kind of self-diagnosis. In saying that it's a great tool to bookmark and doing it every couple of weeks can help you keep in touch with where you're at.

*Though this is a scale you complete with nurses both at the hospital and at your child health checkups you may score more honestly when doing it by yourself. (Us women have a tendency of scoring lower in front of the nurses as we want to appear as completely-in-control super mums!)

* This is a FABULOUS music therapy based website that focuses specifically on postnatal depression.

* If you'd like some more detailed info on the EPDS I quite enjoyed this jovial explanation and you can also be linked to further resources from here.

* This is a facebook community especially for women battling with the blues.

* You can go to your Child Health Nurse as often as you like (for free) and get them to help you with this and/or discuss it's implications with you.

* I just did it again and scored 4 :) Happy days!

The Essential 'How To' Guide for an EASIER childbirth!!!!!!!

DISCLAIMER - This post contains adorable pics of my first baby, for no real reason except that I'm feeling clucky :)

Well my baby is due next week!!!!  So what better topic to write on than breath and breathing - and the HUGE role it can play in pregnancy, childbirth and life as a parent if you learn about it and use it right!

I wrote the below article on this very topic for Nuture - Natural Parenting Magazine for their last year's Winter edition and have been re-reading it and, with my husband/boyfriend (I don't have one of each - he's the one person but husband sounds better), practicing our breathing for the big event.

Breathing is something we don't usually think about - we just do it automatically - but if you learn how to do it better you will be amazed at the difference it can make to your health and well-being!!! Check it out....

Breathing In New Life

We all know how important it is to allow ourselves to ‘just breathe’ - be still, have some ‘you’ time – especially when we are pregnant. It is drummed into us by friends, family, doctors of all modalities, therapists, counsellors and well-meaning strangers. But sometimes it seems nearly impossible, especially as a parent, to successfully achieve this monumental task!

Firstly, about 75% of women experience breathlessness during pregnancy. Increased levels of the pregnancy hormone progesterone change the way your body absorbs oxygen which results in much deeper breaths, though at the same respiratory rate as before. This, in conjunction with the weight of a growing baby pushing into your diaphragm, can make the task seem quite overwhelming. 

Gentle aerobic exercise such as swimming, yoga and walking can assist your breathing during pregnancy. If you feel dizzy, lightheaded or uncomfortable while practicing your breathing exercises either lessen the extent of your inhalations or take a rest and come back to it later. Make sure you discuss any respiratory conditions such as asthma or any concerns you may have about your breathing with your doctor.

BREATHING DURING AND AFTER PREGNANCY

The benefits of deep abdominal, or belly, breathing are numerous. Deep belly breathing allows more air into the lungs, which allows for more oxygen to be supplied to both you AND your baby. This enriches every single cell in your bodies – your vital organs, muscles, brain function, hair, skin and nails will all benefit. In addition more oxygen to your body will help you to relax, focus and sleep better.

In our normal, everyday breathing we generally find ourselves breathing shallow breaths into our chests and we can actually see our chests and shoulders rising and falling as we inhale and exhale. This type of breathing does not allow for the potential of oxygen we could be bringing into our bodies and will not help prepare us for breathing during labour.

When practicing proper belly breathing, imagine an empty jug being filled with water – the water fills the jug from the bottom up, filling every little nook and cranny before the water level rises. Our lungs work in exactly the same way. Put your hands on your belly, hips and lower back; imagine the air going firstly to the base of your core and feel your body move outwards as the diaphragm allows your lungs to expand, allowing more and more oxygen into your body.

Counting your inhalations and exhalations will help with keeping belly breaths controlled. Slowly count as you breathe in 1...2...3…4, then hold and exhale 1...2...3...4. As you hold you are allowing more time for the oxygen to be absorbed in the lungs and as you exhale you are eliminating carbon dioxide waste from your body. It does not matter what number you count up to though it pays to spend a little longer on the out breath than the in breath if possible. It is important to remember that you can not truly inhale unless you truly and fully exhale.

The further into your pregnancy you are the harder belly breathing will become, so if possible start practicing in the first trimester – starting with 10 deep breaths both morning and night. It may take a bit of practice to master but you will feel energised, refreshed and relaxed once you get the hang of it. Practicing with your birthing partner is recommended if you intend to co-breath during labour.

BREATHING AFFIRMATIONS DURING PREGNANCY

Using breath as a source of affirmation during pregnancy is adapted from the Buddhist art of practicing breath to become fully aware.

Writing affirmations can be personal and you may choose to do this alone. After some quiet reflection write down a list of words you believe will help you during your pregnancy and childbirth journeys, for example: strong, calm, alive, open. Now adapt these to fit with your belly breaths, for example: ‘Breathing in I am strong, breathing out I am strong’; ‘Breathing in I am calm, breathing out I am calm’; ‘Breathing in I am alive, breathing out I am alive’; and so on. Write your breathing affirmations down, illustrate them, make them pretty and then stick them on your walls, next to your bed, above the kitchen bench – anywhere you may be inclined to practice.

Make sure, as you practice, that you BELIEVE what you are reading. 

Take them to the hospital with you, allow your partner to read them to you or with you as you breath, believe in the words as you breath, look at the words as you breathe – however you choose to use your affirmation cards they will become invaluable tools for you during the childbirth journey.

It’s important to ensure your affirmations only contain positive words. Stay away from phrases such as ‘Breathing in I feel no pain’ and replace them with ‘Breathing in I feel my baby’ or ‘Breathing in I gain strength’.

BREATHING DURING THE 1ST STAGE OF LABOUR

Controlled belly breathing during the first stage of labour maximises oxygen levels for you and your baby and is a fabulous, natural method of pain relief. Take a deep breath, filling the base of your lungs with air first, at the beginning of each contraction and slowly exhale keeping your mouth, cheeks and jaw soft as you do so. Focus solely on your deep belly breaths and affirmations during each contraction and relax in between them. Using sound and movement in conjunction with your breath during contractions can really help – never mind how it may appear to those around you, birthing staff have seen and heard it all before!

Try not to allow fear or panic into your mind. When you are tense or frightened your body releases adrenalin, your breathing will become shallow and rapid, and your shoulders and chest will again begin to rise as you breathe. Panic-breathing is a common reaction to very stressful or frightening situations, especially during strong contractions, and though this is normal your body cannot continue in this state for long before becoming fatigued. Recognising panic-breathing and bringing it back to controlled belly breaths will help your body conserve energy.

Birthing partners have a very important task during this stage. They can make eye contact and breathe in time with you, give you water in between contractions to stop your mouth drying out, remind you to keep your jaw, mouth and shoulders relaxed, help you count your in and out breaths to maintain the control and most importantly – remind you to breathe!

BREATHING DURING THE 2ND STAGE OF LABOUR

When it comes time to push your breathing patterns will once again change. You will need to refocus your breath and mind and now use them to assist you push down through your body. Try not to hold your breath during this stage, but also avoid airy, controlled exhales as they will not help you either. Take a deep in breath before each push and use your breath instinctively, with guidance from your doctor, midwife or doula.

Having mastered the skill of breathing, you have on your hands an invaluable life tool. Once the journey of pregnancy and childbirth has passed and you embark on the amazing path of parenthood you will undoubtedly at times hear that little voice again - ‘just breathe’, be still, have some ‘you’ time.

http://www.nurtureparentingmagazine.com.au/

References

Jana A. Czipin, Practice Manual Pranayama: Breathing exercises for Yogis, free divers and pregnant women (Kindle Ed), Books On Demand, 2012

Thich Nhat Hanh, Breathe! You are Alive: Sutra on the Full Awareness of Breathing, Parallax Press Revised Ed, 1996

Uma Dinsmore-Tuli, Mother’s Breath: A definitive Guide to Yoga Breathing, Sound and Awareness Practices During Pregnancy, Birth, Post-natal Recovery and Mothering, Sitaram and Sons, 2006

Andrew Weil, Breathing: The Master Key to Self Healing (The Self Healing Series) (Audio CD), Sounds True, Incorporated, 1999

Recommended Reading

Mother’s Breath: A definitive Guide to Yoga Breathing, Sound and Awareness Practices During Pregnancy, Birth, Post-natal Recovery and Mothering by Uma Dinsmore-Tuli

The importance of nursery rhymes and why they won't ever go out of date...

Singing my daughter to sleep with her personalised version of 'Frere Jaques' tonight (Maple's sleepy, Maple's sleepy, go to bed, go to bed, etc...) I got to thinking about the amazing power of nursery rhymes and the fact that most people probably have no idea just how important they really are!

Did you know that from the very moment your baby is born he/she has the neurological ability to UNDERSTAND and ENJOY particular intervals?? (For you musical types the minor 3rd is the main one I'm referring to here and if you're not a musical type just think of intervals as the makeup of the melody). Interestingly, the intervals that babies love the most are the ones that nursery rhymes are made out of :)

For example, if I type the phrases "Naah, Naah, na, Naah, Naah" or "You can't catch me" I bet you all naturally sing them in your mind in that childhood tune - you know, THAT tune, the one ALL little kids seem to just know and seem to sing!!

Well there's a reason all little kids sing in THOSE tunes - it's because the intervals (melody) are familiar and comfortable to them - they're born with those melodic frameworks in their brain and hearing them and singing them makes them feel good, which helps the development of positive neural pathways.

THIS IS A REALLY POSITIVE THING, AND YOU CAN USE IT TO YOUR ADVANTAGE!!

In general playing pop or  'grown up' music just doesn't quite cut it. The structure, melody, rhythm and tempo of these songs are often too complex and confusing for the tiny mind to comprehend which means they probably don't get the same feeling of "ooh, my tiny brain gets this tune, I like it and it's making me feel safe and sound"... (which I'm SURE is what the new born would be thinking if they could think in such an orderly and well-educated manner!)

So - why not give your baby the gift of nursery rhyme?!

Easier said than done?? Here are a few things NOT to be scared of...

* Don't be scared to ask someone to teach you a few if you don't know any (this is totally common for Gen Y's and beyond) so no need to worry :) Youtube can be a great source for finding a nursery rhyme 'library' and choosing a few you like the most out of the hundreds you will stumble across.

* Don't be scared of being politically incorrect! The chances are you won't offend anyone, least of all your baby, by singing about black sheep - and personally I think singing about orange sheep is confusing and misleading! I choose not to sing the ones about spanking and starving the little children, but that's just me - it's all a personal choice :)

* Don't be scared of singing out of tune. Your children will have absolutely no idea about being 'in' or 'out' of tune - they will just feel loved and happy from hearing your voice and hearing their special songs. (On a side note, Mama's voice is the one your baby loves to hear the most as it is the most familiar. From the moment your bub is born he/she would be able to pick your voice out amongst a noisy crowded room of a hundred people - that's how strongly they recognise your particular sound and that recognition also makes them feel happy and safe. What I'm trying to say here Mums is that your babies LOVE it when you sing to them!)

* Don't be scared about getting the words wrong - it's the melody, structure and repetition that babies love, not the words. Feel free to personalise the words as I often do or choose nursery rhymes with the same tunes (ie Twinkle, twinkle and ABC) so no matter what words come out you can't go wrong!

As a special bonus - the more you sing a nursery rhyme to your baby the more they will come to recognise it and the more chance you have of settling them with that song when they're out of sorts, cranky or sleepy.

What more motivation could you possibly need!!!

Searching for SIMPLE and BEAUTIFUL musical WISDOM?? Look no further...

A Child’s Song By Alan Cohen

There is a tribe in Africa where the birth date of a child is counted not from when they’ve been born, nor from when they are conceived but from the day that the child was a thought in its mother’s mind. And when a woman decides that she will have a child, she goes off and sits under a tree, by herself, and she listens until she can hear the song of the child that wants to come. And after she’s heard the song of this child, she comes back to the man who will be the child’s father, and teaches it to him. And then, when they make love to physically conceive the child, some of that time they sing the song of the child, as a way to invite it. 

And then, when the mother is pregnant, the mother teaches that child’s song to the midwives and the old women of the village, so that when the child is born, the old women and the people around her sing the child’s song to welcome it. And then, as the child grows up, the other villagers are taught the child’s song. If the child falls, or hurts its knee, someone picks it up and sings its song to it. Or perhaps the child does something wonderful, or goes through the rites of puberty, then as a way of honoring this person, the people of the village sing his or her song. 

In the African tribe there is one other occasion upon which the villagers sing to the child. If at any time during his or her life, the person commits a crime or aberrant social act, the individual is called to the center of the village and the people in the community form a circle around them. Then they sing their song to them. 

The tribe recognizes that the correction for antisocial behavior is not punishment; it is love and the remembrance of identity. When you recognize your own song, you have no desire or need to do anything that would hurt another. 

And it goes this way through their life. In marriage, the songs are sung, together. And finally, when this child is lying in bed, ready to die, all the villagers know his or her song, and they sing—for the last time—the song to that person. 

You may not have grown up in an African tribe that sings your song to you at crucial life transitions, but life is always reminding you when you are in tune with yourself and when you are not. When you feel good, what you are doing matches your song, and when you feel awful, it doesn’t. In the end, we shall all recognize our song and sing it well. You may feel a little warbly at the moment, but so have all the great singers. Just keep singing and you’ll find your way home.

“Sing Your Song,” from Wisdom of the Heart by Alan Cohen, copyright © 2002 by Alan Cohen. Published by Hay House, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved. For more information on Alan Cohen’s books and programs, visit  alancohen.com

And OMMG how utterly beautiful is this artwork! Check out more here... 
https://www.facebook.com/BeneathMyHeartArt and here http://beneathmyheartart.blogspot.com.au/

Oh the joys of baby sign language

My 19 month old daughter knows two languages - English and Sign. 

She has no hearing impairment or sensory delays of any kind (well ok, she has a cataract, but for the point of the story she's in A1 sensory condition)! She doesn't appear to show any symptoms of Autism Spectrum Disorder, of developmental difficulties or speech impediments - but she does sign anyway!

I first found out about baby sign as a student music therapist at Ipswich Special School, Qld. I was amazed at how so many children with so many varied set of symptoms and characteristics were all able to communicate through this one beautiful channel! Since then I've tried to use sign with all the 0-4's I've had the pleasure of making music with. 

I've always thought "they probably don't even realise I'm doing anything" - a shake of the thumb as I say we're 'finished' with the instruments, a tap to the chin when I thank them and a policeman's hand up when we 'stop' - nothing that really stands out. But that was until I started using sign with my Maple - and then I realised that EVERY SINGLE HAND GESTURE THAT GOES WITH A WORD IS BEING PROCESSED!! Even after all those years of using sign I was astounded when I realised just how powerful a communication tool it actually is. 

It all started when, at 12 months, I decided to see if I could work out if Maple was actually 'finished' with her milk or if she was just playing that 'on/off/on/off game' with me. I asked "Maple are you finished?" and shook my thumb from side to side as I said it. Nothing. But at the VERY NEXT FEED - she looked up after 10 minutes, shook her thumb from side to side and moved away. From that day on 'finished' has been her keyword - she will tell me when she's finished with her milk, finished in the bath, finished her food, her book, her cuddle, even (yes I'm guilty of it) my ipad - she'll actually give it back after 5 minutes and tell me she's 'finished'. It's a beautiful thing to watch a toddler using signs in context and demonstrating total comprehension of what the words actually mean before they can speak them.

Makaton is the sign program I was first introduced to and is what I generally base my sign style on. Makaton is a language program which uses signs, words and symbols to encourage language development in those with communication difficulties. The program is divided into stages with the initial stages incorporating the most basic and common words such as Mummy, Daddy, bed, drink, food, toilet, please, thankyou etc... and the subsequent stages introducing more complex concepts and phrases. The signs are derived from AUSLAN (in Australia that is) as this is the cultural language of our deaf community. The word is always spoken when the sign is used and the pictorial symbols are helpful when working with children with more complicated communication delays.

I don't use symbols and I only really use signs from the first couple of stages of the program - these seem to give us enough of a basis in the language to be able to sign our general day-to-day needs. We also make up our own signs - funny ones that pertain to our own 'family language' and Maple has adapted some of the ones we've shown her which we've then taken on.

Sign language encourages eye contact, physical contact, non-verbal expression, verbal expression, fine and gross motor skills, positive neural development, cognitive involvement, social interaction and inclusion, facial expression and much, much more.

I love the idea that even though I only speak English I still have a second language - I love the idea that one day Maple might be able to communicate with children who a lot of other children can't communicate with and I love the idea that when I use signs at work other children, parents and educators are, often unbeknownst to them, processing a new language.

And I totally love it when Maple signs 'I love you Mummy'  - ahhh... melts the heart :)

My baby sign language workshop is available as a skype session for only $80 so contact me today!

OR

http://ohmymusicalgoodness.blogspot.com.au/p/upcoming-sessions.html
Come to one of my baby sign workshops and learn so much more!

OR...

http://www.babysignandlearn.com.au/
These folks have some great resources to help you get started on your sign journey

https://www.facebook.com/BabySignAndLearn
You can also find them on facey of course!

The Language of Music...

A few things got me thinking about the language of music... it started with realising that Maple was starting to have minor tantrums, which got me thinking about how frustrating it must be to not be able to communicate when you know what you want to say but just don't know the words, which got me thinking about her actual 18 month old vocabulary (isn't it cute!!), which ultimately brought me to a memory of something my Dad wrote in my 18th birthday card - 

"The Language of music transcends all barriers".

No matter whether you're an 18 month old with limited vocab, an immigrant with little English skills, an elderly person with dementia, a really, really drunk person or someone who just doesn't really get literacy....

EVERYONE IN THE ENTIRE WORLD CAN UNDERSTAND THE LANGUAGE OF MUSIC!!

Not only that but we can communicate and express ourselves through the language of music also - 

it's a language that knows no barriers!! 

Sure we all have our personal likes and dislikes - I love folk and can't stand pop, love classical, hate death metal etc. but whatever our personal choice may be we ALL understand the language of music! Music does not discriminate against race, age, culture, ability or identity.

So the moral of this story is lets listen to more music! Especially with our friends and family who don't quite work on the same communicate scale as us!!

Unless we are discussing apples, bubbles and daddy Maple isn't really an equal part of our conversation but when we are listening to music together we are ALL equals with our language skills and that must be an absolutely lovely feeling for her and do wonders for her sense of self :)