"She lost her battle to cancer"

Upon the tragic passing of Jess Ainscough yesterday I feel compelled to briefly discuss the importance of death literacy.

Today social media has been inundated with posts, reports and media coverages about her death and I am pleasantly amazed that not once have I come across the phrase "lost her battle to cancer". 

Why do we insist on using this phrase? It is personally degrading, represents failure, encourages negative death literacy and most of all describes nothing of the strength, bravery, self respect, love and freedom that is experienced within one's final moments of life.

It is time to really think about the words we use when describing someone else's death. Death comes to us all and as such we must find a way to talk about it fearlessly and gracefully.

Would you want your own death to be described as 'losing a battle"??

http://www.thegroundswellproject.com/

Dying to Know: Lets talk about death...

August 8th is Dying to Know Day. A remarkable project initiated by The Groundswell Project. 

Remarkable in that it aims to encourage us to DISCUSS DEATH! Something we almost ALWAYS shy away from, (not to mention squirm in our seats, change the subject, try and ignore, blush, stutter, look at the ground, talk too much or too fast, oh and did I mention change the subject?)!

9 out of 10 people never tell anyone their end of life wishes.
45% of people die without a will.
80% of people wish to die at home yet only 20% do.

Perhaps if we could discuss death more openly these figures would balance out a bit? Perhaps we'd also feel more confident in supporting others? Perhaps we may even fear death less?!

Who knows - lets try it!

HOMEWORK: Below are a few common and confusing scenarios/discussion points.Your homework this week is to bring up one of these topics at the dinner table, have an interactive chat, see where you end up...

.... Deep breath, HERE WE GO...

'Ignoring' the bereaved

* Don't want to say the wrong thing? 

* Don't want to cry, don't want to 'not' cry, don't know what to do? 

* Don't know the family well enough to contact them?

* Didn't know the deceased well enough to contact the family?

* Left it too long and now don't know how to bring it up?

* Feeling guilty about any/all of the above yet I'm doing them anyway?

I don't think I'm meant to feel this sad!

* I didn't really know them, I shouldn't really be feeling like this!

* They lived a good life, died peacefully, an end to their suffering, aren't I meant to be happy for them!?

* Billy had a stronger relationship with the deceased, I should appear to be less affected than Billy...

* It's been a long time since Katie died, I must appear to seem more 'together' to the general public...

I think I'm meant to feel MORE sad!

* I'm not responding the same way the others are. Am I heartless? Insensitive? Should I try harder?

* Its on the news, it's a disaster, in theory I'm devastated, in reality I actually don't FEEL anything.

* Actually I didn't really like them, am I meant to pretend now that I did??

Being strong for someone else.

* Can I do it and still properly address my own emotional needs?

* Will I miss out on getting to grieve with everyone else and have to do it later by myself?

* Is it actually what the 'someone else' wants?

Funeral Etiquette

* Look at the roof, look at the roof, don't cry, don't cry...

* I'll just stand at the back so I don't have to see the coffin or the family...

* I won't go over to the bereaved family, they'll have so many people wanting to talk to them...

* Is what I'm wearing OK? Is it too black? Is it not black enough??

Asking for Support

* I don't want to tell anyone about this, it's too depressing and I'm always the cheerful one...

* I can't ask for their support, it'll make them feel awkward...

* No one can say or do anything to make it better anyway so why bother...

Now, I know what's potentially going to happen here! You've just read this and identified with a few of the  points, think it's a great idea and something that really should be talked about. "I'm going to do this tonight" you're thinking... But tonight comes and the subject matter seems too intense and you decide to give it a miss...

STOP! DON'T DO THAT! HAVE THE TALK!!!

You may just be surprised how refreshing such a conversation can be.

And you never know, someone at your table may just be dying to have this conversation...

(Visit D2K Day on facebook here and find a Dying to Know Day event near you)

Music Therapy at Camp Quality

My Saturday this weekend was an absolute cracker - running music therapy groups at Camp Quality!

It was SO much fun. We rapped, we stomped, we clapped, we drummed, we danced, we strummed - we even prepared to deliver my baby on site!

Camp Quality is a family cancer charity that brings optimism, resilience and happiness to the lives of families and children affected by cancer.

They provide programs that focus on education, performance, recreation, respite and play throughout primary schools, paediatric oncology wards, recreation venues and homes across Australia.



THE BEST BIT OF ALL??  (Apart from the fact that everything is completely free!)

Camp Quality believes LAUGHTER is the best medicine! (And for anyone reading this you will know who closely this resembles my own ethos on life!) I had an absolute ball!

It's a humbling and special experience to surround yourself with children who suffer such heartbreaking difficulties - and to watch them play, laugh and appear not to have a care in the world was an absolute joy!

So thank YOU Camp Quality for having me - lets do it again sometime!!

Visit http://www.campquality.org.au to find out more about Camp Quality or to throw a donation their way - it's well and truly worth it!!

The time has come for the TRUTH to be exposed....

That's right folks - the time has come! Actually, it's long overdue. Too long has the general public been living in the dark, oblivious to the potential, blinded by the generalisations and presumptions, unaware of the secret weapon that could actually improve health, happiness, well-being and general quality of life of your loved ones!

The time has come for the truth to be exposed about MUSIC THERAPY in AGED CARE!!!

Referencing a bunch of questions and comments that I've heard over the years, let me make a few things clear....

"Oh, you've come to do a singalong! How lovely"
Out my mouth = "Yes, I've come for music therapy" (with a sweet smile).
In my mind = Actually I've come to work intensely and therapeutically with 30 individual residents in the space of one hour. I've come to observe their reactions, their interactions, their responses, their facial and bodily affect, the way they move, the way they express themselves verbally and non-verbally, to notice whether they instigate these responses or require facilitation, to assess their particular mood for that particular day in order to decide whether I aught adapt whatever session I had planned to better suit their needs. While I'm doing all of these things for a whole bunch of people all at the same time I'm going to smile and sing and make them FEEL like they are part of an old-time singalong or a chit chat or a trip down memory lane whilst all the while I am secretly addressing their therapeutic needs through musical interventions. So yeah - I guess you could say it's one complicated singalong! (Oh, apart from the times when we don't sing at all - like when we're dancing, exercising, song writing, relaxing, doing quizzes, going outside, going online etc. etc...)

"So, did you have to do some sort of training or a special course to be able to do this?"
Um - actually, YES, yes I did! Personally I did 6 years of Uni which included moving interstate, "hundreds" of hours of clinical placements, "hundreds" of hours of a Masters thesis, "hundreds" of hours of emotion and anxiety and insecurity. Music Therapy is an allied health profession and EVERY music therapist has to study for at least 4 years (in Australia anyway) and graduate to be able to register with the Australian Music Therapy Association. It's really not for the faint hearted!

"I'd rather you not play those war time songs because some of our residents might get emotional."
I had a facility manager ask me to "perhaps not sing songs that trigger memories from the war time" because a volunteer had seen a resident cry when we sang a war time tune. She also asked me not to sing about dogs as a resident who loved dogs had recently passed and she didn't want to risk upsetting anyone. I realised at this point that perhaps the facility manager didn't quite understand the concept of music 'therapy'! I asked if I could have some time to discuss the program with her and the volunteer and any other staff who were interested, but alas she did not have the time. I wanted to tell her that in fact it's not such a bad thing at all for a resident to shed a tear - especially to shed a tear in a group environment while others are there to support them emotionally, to heighten their sense of belonging amongst a bunch of their fellow residents, to have the opportunity to reminisce with others who often can honestly relate and show true empathy. The act of being supported therapeutically in such a setting is often enough to resolve that emotional blockage and improve their quality of life. To shed a great is often a FANTASTIC outcome!

Unfortunately the facility manager, who never had the time to listen to any of my explanations, eventually gave music therapy the boot :(

"Would you like me to go and get the song books for you?"
Thanks for the offer but I like the idea of 'exercising the mind'. Singing from memory is a great way to demonstrate recall of long term memory and is also SUPER EMPOWERING because, generally speaking, we never seem to lose lyrics permanently. We may need a reminder or we may need to hear the melody but it's a very rare occurrence to come across someone who has actually forgotten the lyrics to the 'golden oldies'.

While I'm on the topic of 'song books', imagine what it's going to be like when Gen Y are in aged care! To suit everyone's needs there'll have to be a hip-hop song book, a pop song book, a country song book... thank Goodness I'm working with people who only had the one station on the wireless - makes my audience much easier to please!

"I don't think we need any documentation, we'll take an attendance list and that should be enough - how about you just spend your time doing the music."
Sorry lady but it's MY professional credibility on the line here!! I must admit that in the early days I sometimes relented with this one (who wants to do paperwork anyway?) These days however it's a no brainer. Documentation is a must - Imagine if a physio therapist did weekly consults and didn't document what was happening with their clients!?!? Absolute outrage! Well it's EXACTLY the same with a Music Therapist. Imagine if the accreditors came to visit, saw music therapy listed on the calendar and found not a lick of paperwork in regards to what it was that we were doing!? Imagine if Vera was played country music during her palliative journey when she absolutely DESPISED country music but there was no MT assessment in her file so no one knew! Imagine if Basil's chair was placed 5 metres away from the music therapist, when an MT assessment would have CLEARLY shown that he was deaf in one ear and needed to be sat directly to the left of the therapist! Imagine if Esme's daughter asked you what you were trying to achieve through Esme's involvement in MT but and you had no Care-plan to show her! Imagine how unprofessional that would look! Imagine if Clyde's radio kept being turned on every morning but an MT evaluation would have shown that in fact, the radio has shown to make Clyde appear anxious and he should only have specifically selected music played to him. Eeeek - just the thought of it all makes me shudder!!

"Yeah we really want a music therapy program at our nursing home - we thought maybe you could run a choir?"
Haha, *chuckle*, the old choir suggestion hey... Yes, I totally love a good choir and don't deny their amazing therapeutic outcomes... and yes, many residents often have a long, positive history with choirs.... CHOIRS OF THE 1940's THAT IS! A time when the choir was an exclusive singing group, where you didn't sit with your friend you sat in your specific vocal group, there was absolutely no place for chatter, there was a large focus on hymns and there was a very definitive 'leader'. The choir of this day was a very serious event with a reputation to uphold. Go on, you try to eradicate these ingrained choir ethics from the mind's of the oldies... ha!

"Shall I go and get the box of instruments so the residents have something to shake?"
Hmmm, a tricky one and I often say "thanks, that'd be great" even though I usually feel uneasy about it. It's a very fine line between 'age appropriate and practical', 'patronising and creative', and I usually feel that handing out a bunch of shakers is a little bit too 'kindergarden' for aged care. Of course every resident is unique, shakers do have their place and some people will show endless joy from shaking their shakers...

But that time I took ten djembes to the nursing home with me was amazing! A new EXCITING instrument, a stimulating conversation about it's cultural background, able to be played by everyone as they sat at chair height and don't need to be held, a variety of sounds to be made and techniques to create them.

My advice to nursing homes on stocking up their activities cupboards with instruments??? Keep the box of shakers but add a bunch of exciting 'grown ups' instruments :)

"Come on, that's enough chat everyone - lets get back to the music"
This comment usually comes from the residents themselves but I'm always quick to reassure them that chatting is just fine with me! It's a great opportunity to demonstrate recall of long and short term memories, develop stronger social networks, support each other emotionally, express themselves verbally and develop a sense of control over their sessions. In fact the music part is really nothing more that a 'tool' that I use to actually encourage interactive discussions. Sometimes we will sing or listen to one song and then Woosh - the session takes a tangent. All of a sudden we are talking about motor vehicles, then we are talking about the olden days, then we are talking about residents families, then we are sharing happy memories of our childhoods - before we know it an hour has gone by and everyone is blissfully sharing their lives with each other. Music has played a very small but very vital part in this session and all the goals I was aiming for were achieved :)

"No there's probably no point working with him at this hour - he gets too anxious in the afternoons"
Afternoon anxiety + music therapy = a match made in heaven!!!!! Seriously! If you can organise a music therapist to be at your nursing home around 3pm(ish) you are onto a winner. Putting on a CD just doesn't cut it in this scenario, but having a music therapist sitting next to an anxious resident, making eye contact and singing soothingly with them really does make a difference. It can make a wandering resident stay still, a non-verbal resident sing along, an aggressive resident keep their hands to themselves and a distressed resident forget their worries.

"I don't think we really need music therapy here - we have a local group come and do a concert for us every couple of weeks".
Well hopefully after this post goes viral throughout the ever growing world of aged care networks this comment will never be made again!!!

Music therapy truly is SO MUCH MORE than a concert, a distraction or a singalong.

GET AMONGST IT!!!

Please don't hesitate to contact me at ohmymusicalgoodness@gmail.com if you have ANY questions about music therapy in aged care!!!

You could also contact the Australian Music Therapy Association on http://www.austmta.org.au/

Searching for SIMPLE and BEAUTIFUL musical WISDOM?? Look no further...

A Child’s Song By Alan Cohen

There is a tribe in Africa where the birth date of a child is counted not from when they’ve been born, nor from when they are conceived but from the day that the child was a thought in its mother’s mind. And when a woman decides that she will have a child, she goes off and sits under a tree, by herself, and she listens until she can hear the song of the child that wants to come. And after she’s heard the song of this child, she comes back to the man who will be the child’s father, and teaches it to him. And then, when they make love to physically conceive the child, some of that time they sing the song of the child, as a way to invite it. 

And then, when the mother is pregnant, the mother teaches that child’s song to the midwives and the old women of the village, so that when the child is born, the old women and the people around her sing the child’s song to welcome it. And then, as the child grows up, the other villagers are taught the child’s song. If the child falls, or hurts its knee, someone picks it up and sings its song to it. Or perhaps the child does something wonderful, or goes through the rites of puberty, then as a way of honoring this person, the people of the village sing his or her song. 

In the African tribe there is one other occasion upon which the villagers sing to the child. If at any time during his or her life, the person commits a crime or aberrant social act, the individual is called to the center of the village and the people in the community form a circle around them. Then they sing their song to them. 

The tribe recognizes that the correction for antisocial behavior is not punishment; it is love and the remembrance of identity. When you recognize your own song, you have no desire or need to do anything that would hurt another. 

And it goes this way through their life. In marriage, the songs are sung, together. And finally, when this child is lying in bed, ready to die, all the villagers know his or her song, and they sing—for the last time—the song to that person. 

You may not have grown up in an African tribe that sings your song to you at crucial life transitions, but life is always reminding you when you are in tune with yourself and when you are not. When you feel good, what you are doing matches your song, and when you feel awful, it doesn’t. In the end, we shall all recognize our song and sing it well. You may feel a little warbly at the moment, but so have all the great singers. Just keep singing and you’ll find your way home.

“Sing Your Song,” from Wisdom of the Heart by Alan Cohen, copyright © 2002 by Alan Cohen. Published by Hay House, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved. For more information on Alan Cohen’s books and programs, visit  alancohen.com

And OMMG how utterly beautiful is this artwork! Check out more here... 
https://www.facebook.com/BeneathMyHeartArt and here http://beneathmyheartart.blogspot.com.au/

Dying To Know...

Death is somewhat like a disco ball - it has SO many sides...

When i was 6 my best friend died of Leukemia. I clearly remember the following day at school when our teacher told us all that if we needed a little cry during the day that it was OK, she was crying when she told us. I clearly remember thinking "Huh? Why would we feel like crying?"

A couple of years ago a teenager I'd been working with died unexpectedly and tragically. People kept telling us "It's OK to cry".  I was devastated and even now his death fills me with emotion and grief - though I barely knew him!

When I was a student music therapist a woman I was working with throughout her palliative journey in aged care died while I was playing the guitar to her - she had just told me that when she dies she'd become an angel and watch over me and my babies. The staff at the nursing home told me "it was OK to cry" - and I did - though I felt happy!

August 8th is the inaugural Dying to Know Day, a fabulous concept! A day dedicated to encouraging us to talk about death - to ask questions, share our plans, fears, discuss grief and bereavement, try and work it all out and most importantly support each other. Death comes to all of us multiple times throughout our lives and can affect us differently and profoundly every single time.

OF COURSE it's something we need to talk about more - why didn't we think of this before!??

It's time the topic of death became less taboo and more dinner table - lets make the 'death talk' something that people feel they can ask for without it being awkward.

You never know how much healing and peace may come from a conversation like this.

http://thegroundswellproject.com/dying-to-know-day/